Princess Poland
by Zabu Zabu Shin Sen Gumi
Summary: ThaiPol - Princess Poland! I hope you find your new OTP!
1. Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, there was a pretty pink Polish princess who lived in a castle.

The princess awaited the arrival of her true love, which would arrive on horseback and take her away from her tower.

She was just too manly for men and too girly for girls... She was still caught in the middle of troubles.

One day as the princess (who actually was male, but it was difficult to tell unless he was talking to you) was sitting in the tower waiting for his prince, a man on an elephant burst through the castle gate.

The princess stood on the windowsill to see who it was but he had already stormed into the castle.

"Like, OMG," he exclaimed. "My prince is like, totally going to save me on a super-cool elephant!"

The castle guards were in shock as the man on the giant elephant raided through the palace.

He daintily guided his elephant up the stairs to the princess' tower.

"Princess! Princess!" the Pole's male servant called (his name was Liet). "An Asian man riding an elephant is coming up to your room! Quick, you must hide!"

"But why? I can tell he's the prince that's going to save me and we're going to run away and get married and go live in his castle and be happy and make babies and-"

"Don't be ridiculous," said Lithuania as he threw Poland out the window.

Poland landed unhurt outside because the tower was only 1 story tall.

The man on the elephant reached the top of the tower and looked around, but the princess wasn't there anymore.

"Hug!" One of the castle servants yelled to the man on the elephant. He looked up to see a stupid, little brunette with his arms stretched out wide.

"You idiot!" a blond male screamed, slapping the brunette in the face, slinging him across his shoulder and taking a run for it.

The man disembarked from his elephant, picked up Lithuania, and then re-embarked and began leaving.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" screamed Lithuania, but the man didn't pay any attention to him and kept riding off.

"Nothing," the man replied, pinching Lithuania's cheek and daintily directing his elephant down the stairs.

"Let! ME! DOOOWNN~!" He screamed again, but only Russia heard; he just smirked, running off with China into the distance.

Poland saw them leaving and grabbed onto the elephant's tail and followed them back to Thailand. The elephant used its ears to fly there.

When the three arrived in Thailand, Poland started complaining. "It's so hot and sticky and like, totally humid here!" he whimpered, kicking a rock that hit a civilian in the face.

Lithuania didn't care because he was still being carried by the man on the elephant (Thailand).

Estonia came flying through the sky, snatching fruits and vegetables from the market stalls and laughing his head off. He gracefully landed in an empty beer barrel and began typing on his laptop.

"And then I threw a piece of fruit at Thailand on a ridiculous elephant!" he announced while typing with one hand and throwing produce at the Asian with the other.

"LOLOLOLOL" replied Denmark, who was chatting with him on the computer, even though he was sitting three feet away.

"ROFL LMAO" typed Latvia, who was sitting on Russia's lap. Russia put cucumbers on latvia's eyes and started smearing lemon juice in his hair.

"We're not done yet!" China smirked, whacking a tennis ball with his wok at Korea. "Take that! And that!"

But Korea wasn't paying attention; he was too busy grabbing himself servings of deep-fried Caesar salad.

"Aw, shucks," America gushed. "I can't believe you like my AWESOME salad!"

"It's not that I actually LIKE it," blushed Korea. "I-it's just so I can throw it at Aniki!" With that, he threw the whole plate at China.

"OF COURSE YOU LIKE IT, EVERYTHING IS BETTER DEEP FRIED," grinned America. "ALSO EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH BUTTER."

"Aiya!" China screeched, trying to dodge the unhealthy salad and the butter. "You're going to be a ONE HOUSE GHOST!"

Then Taiwan flew in a helicopter and started doing cartwheels while dodging the food flying through the air.

From there, she started singing Chinese Opera to the whole crowd, making everyone stop what they were doing.

Estonia turned on his webcam and started broadcasting it live to Denmark and Latvia.

Russia smiled warmly as he poured honey over Latvia, sprinkling some powdered sugar on the Latvian's small head.

"Now your sweet as sugar, Honey!" he beamed.

At this point, Hong Kong parachuted in using an anvil as a parachute and landed in a market stall, blasting a sizeable hole in the ground where he fell.

"I want to forget!" China screamed, running to Hong Kong and crying.

Korea had no mercy; he started throwing large sticks of lard at Hong Kong and China.

At this point, the market was getting really noisy and crowded, so Japan stood on top of a trash can and screamed, "BEEEE QUIEEETTTTT!"

Everyone stopped and stared at him.

"THANK YOU! NOW I CAN WATCH MY ANIME IN PEACE!" he yelled in annoyance, getting off the trash can and walking away.

"LET'S GO TO MY HOUSE SO WE CAN BE NOISY AND NOT BOTHER JAPAN," said Thailand. Everyone got on his elephant and they went to his European style castle.

"Ooh! Your house is, like, ultra cool, Thailand!" Poland squealed, clapping his hands together.

"And you are?" he asked, not bothering to look around.

"OMG!" Germany shouted. "THIS IS WHERE ALL MY PEOPLE GO ON VACATIONS TO-," His last words were cut off by a French horn blowing.

Everyone walked into Thailand's kitchen, where Austria was cooking wearing nothing but an apron. He turned when he saw everyone. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not dressed decently at all!" he exclaimed, quickly placing a cucumber on his head.

'''Sorry, sorry, sorry," Korea sang, clapping his hands to the beat. Prussia drooled over the cucumber atop Austria's head.

Prussia started trying to eat the cucumber, but Austria smacked him with a frying pan.

Down the hall, Hungary was taking her anger out on the piano; she was playing Liebestraum.

Estonia was still carrying his laptop so he took a picture using the webcam and posted it on Facebook. Then all of his Facebook friends commented on it and it had gone around the internet within 30 seconds of him posting it.

"Don't tell anyone there's Almond cookies for only 99 cents!" China shouted to Latvia, but Estonia already posted it on Twitter.

After 15 seconds, everywhere in the world, all the Almond COOKIES WERE GONE.

Then Sealand broke down a wall as he entered the room on a cruise ship.

"HI EVERYBODY!' he sang, but no one paid any attention to him.

Someone knocked furiously at the front door.

Thailand went to answer the door. It was Sweden, still grinning ear to ear. "I'M HERE TO CONGRATULATE YOU ABOUT YOUR RECENT ENGAGEMENT TO POLAND," he smiled, holding out a stick of cheese.

Finland motioned a curse of death gesture toward the Asian man as he stood behind the Swede.

"WHY THANK YOU," replied Thailand, taking the cheese and smashing it into the doormat.

Sweden and Finland then ran in and started jumping on Thailand's couch.

"How could you do that, you big, fat meanie!" Spain cried as Romano straightened his hair with a curling iron.

"I'M SICK OF PEOPLE TOUCHING MY HAIR CURL," sobbed Romano as he attempted to straighten it.

"DON'T DO IT ROMANO!" screamed Feliciano as he jumped in through a window.

"Don't do what?" Romano wailed, still attempting at his hair.

"Don't straighten it! It'll give you nightmare!" Italy smeared cake all over Spain's face.

"BUT I'M SO SICK OF PEOPLE TOUCHING ITT," sobbed Romano, the straigtening iron now dangerously close to the hair.

In a last ditch attempt to make him stop, Feliciano leaned over and grabbed the curl.

"Hnnghh!" Romano sounded strangled. "S-stop touching IT!"

"No!"

"STTTTOOOOP!"

Spain watched placidly as the two Italian brothers wrestled around.

Meanwhile Sweden and Finland broke the couch springs because they were jumping on it so much.

"Like, OMG, Thailand!" Poland shook in excitement. "We're totally, like engaged now! Shsha!"

Just then, Egypt smashed through the windows with his trusty camel named Camel.

"HELLO EVERYONE," he called. "WANT TO BUY A POT?"

"Pot? You have Pot?" Arthur asked eagerly.

"I WANT TO LEGALIZE MARY JANE IN THE STATE OF OREGON!" America announced in his spandex suit.

"NO ONE CARES YOU BLOODY GIT!" screamed France, who had just walked in through the back door.

France and America started arguing while England peeked inside one of Egypt's pots to see if they contained pot.

"NOT THAT TYPE OF POT!" Egypt sighed, Camel spitting up chewed leaves onto England's face

'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT OF COURSE IT IS," said England, wiping the leaves off of his face

Sweden and Finland felt bad about breaking the couch, so they stuffed it with old cheese to hide the fact that all the springs had collapsed.

"You think it'll be enough to substitute springs?" Sweden asked, smiling as he pecked Finland's forehead. "The cheese, I mean."

"Sure, sure," Finland growled.

Thailand walked over and sat on the couch with Poland. Neither of them seemed to notice how squishy it had become.

"Sooo~," Poland started.

"What is it, Poland?" Thailand questioned, shifting uncomfortably near his new "wife".

"Wellllll.. since you're my prince and true love, we're supposed to live happily ever after in your castle and be rich and own ponies and and and and make babies and kiss and stuff, right?" Poland said eagerly.

"Well, yes..." Thailand blushed a cherry red. "But... I don't know if we can make babies..."'

"Why not?" Poland whined. "I mean, you and I are married already and like, we're totally going to be in love... So why can't we have babies?"

"It's just impossible!" stammered Thailand, but the look on Poland's face suggested otherwise. "Besides, now isn't the time for that! We have lots of guests over!"

As he said that, Russia fell in through the ceiling and landed in his lap.

"But of course there's time!" Poland squealed. "There's a-," Latvia slapped into his lap, honey, lemon and sugar getting everywhere.

Poland whipped a finger through the honeyed mess and stuck it in his mouth. "Mm! It's so sweet! Have some, Thailand!" He completely ignored Latvia on his legs.

"Sure!" said Thailand, grabbing a dull butter knife and scraping some of the honey out of Latvia's hair.

"OMG, this is the best wedding, ever!" Poland grinned, showing his pearly whites.

Back with Lovino, he still tried to straighten his curl, but Feliciano was molesting him.

"NO! DON'T STRAIGHTEN IT!" Italy screamed. "You'll have nightmare for the rest of your life!"

"Why?" Romano argued back. "I don't care, I want people to stop touching it!"

"B-BUT GRANDPA ROME SAID NOT TO EVER, EVER STRAIGHTEN THAT HAIR OR SOMETHING HORRIBLE WILL HAPPEN!" whimpered Feliciano, only tightening his grip.

Romano winced, blushing. "J-JUST SHUT UP AND LET GO OF IT!"

"ARE WE HAVING A HAIR GRABBING CONTEST?" screamed Spain, grabbing both of their curly hairs.

There was a pause before both of the Italian brothers began screaming at him to let go.

"Aaahhh~!" Italy sobbed. "Spain, nii-chan, LET GO! IT HURTS! LET GO! LET GO!"

"BUT I THOUGHT WE'RE HAVING A HAIR GRABBING CONTEST!" argued Spain.

Then Greece rode in on a giant cat. When Spain saw Greece's hair curl, he let go of Feliciano and Romano's hairs to go grab Greece's instead.

Japan came into the room, sneezing like crazy while yelling, "BE QUIET!"

Greece pulled out a huge bottle of pills and took some. "I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN THREE DAYS," he said, waving the bottle of sleep aids around.

"THREE DAYS?" Spain yelled.

"YEAH THREE DAYS," screamed Greece, still waving the sleep aids.

"Gimme one of those!" Germany shouted, snatching it. "I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP REGULARLY IN OVER A YEAR BECAUSE OF ITALY!"

"Then why didn't you say anything?" Italy cried, but Germany was already sleeping on the ground.

Spain finally reached Greece and grabbed his hair curl.

Austria ran in from the kitchen, the cucumber still balanced precariously on his head. "I MADE CAKE FOR EVERYONE!" he yelled.

Everybody ran to the kitchen to grab a piece of cake.

Austria winked at Prussia as the albino was going to steal the cucumber.

Prussia fell back in a pool of nosebleed blood.

"Hey, let's go to the pool!" England screamed, riding on a fairy to the beach.

"YEEEEAAAHH!" everyone screamed, following him.

It turned out that the beach had been run over by a giant whale.

"Hay, Doitsu! Look, look!" Italy pointed at the whale. "WE CAN MAKE BLUBBER BISCUITS WITH IT!"

Doitsu nodded, "Here comes the Kuchen Fairy!"

America jumped off of his whale's back. 'BUT THAT'S NOT RIGHT FOR THE WHALE!" he yelled back.

England jumped off his imaginary friend and started singing "I Need A Hero" while Canada swooped in to push the whale back into the ocean.

Cuba came riding on a seal. "MY SEAL IS MUCH BETTER THAN A WHALE!" he began, but Italy started poking the seal, hoping to make it into blubber biscuits.

"Blubber biscuits are healthy for you!" America yelled. "You can chop 'em up and use them to fry your bacon in the pan!"

Then Seychelles came by with a huge cleaver knife and aimed it at the seal. "YES LET'S MAKE BLUBBER BISCUITS!" she yelled.

"BUT IT'S WRONG FOR THE SEAL, TOO!" America stuck his tongue out at her.

"Fine, fine," sighed Seychelles, putting the knife away. "I guess I'll have to kill it when you're not around."

"But I want blubber biscuits!" Italy complained, crossing his arms and pouting. Germany was too busy helping push the whale back into the ocean again.

"Then go kill it yourself!" Seychelles threw the knife at him.

"EEK! Scary girl! Scary girl!" France yelled, running into the now cleared water.

Italy caught the knife and started heading toward the whale.

"Come here, Fishy, Fishy, Fishy!" he smirked devilishly. "Mama's not gonna hurt you at all!"

"A WHALE IS A MAMMAL, YOU IDIOT!" Japan yelled.

"BUT JAPAN, DON'T YOU LIKE TO FISH FOR WHALES?" Italy turned around.

"I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT," Japan yelled back.

As Italy got closer to the whale it opened its eye and looked at him. "Don't kill me, please," it said.

Italy was so surprised that he dropped the knife and it floated away. "IT'S A TALKING WHALE, EVERYONE!" Italy screamed in horror. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

Everyone screamed and started throwing slippers at the whale.

Civilians rampaged through the hills, creating refugee camps and staying put.

The whale, being a whale, couldn't really do anything, so it started to get buried in slippers.

They ran out of slippers, so Finland grabbed an umbrella and heaved it at the beached creature.

"Uh-huh, you run like that!" Finland grunted, his heart pounding in his ears from being so intense.

Eventually the whale became nothing but a huge pile of beach junk, so everyone lost interest and went to doing normal beach activities, such as climbing aboard cruise ships.

Prussia had finally woken up from his pass out earlier and ran to the beach, hi-jacking a little boat himself and called it the "Gilbobile".

As he was threatening the crew onboard, Austria ripped off his apron and ran around the beach stark naked. Prussia immediately became so distracted that the crew was able to push him off the boat. He then sunk to the bottom of the ocean.

He's way too awesome to drown, of course, so he just walked back to shore, hoping to see Austria when he got there. He also vaguely hoped that Austria would give him mouth-to-mouth if he passed out.

So he faked washing up ashore, pretending to not be breathing. Austria was buried in fangirls though, and didn't see him.

"Dammit!" Prussia swore as Canada went to save him.

'I, THE HERO, WILL SAVE YOU!" he yelled, picking Prussia up like he was a woman and attempting mouth-to-mouth.

"Nnngh!" Prussia tried to scramble away from the Canadian, but the HERO wouldn't let him.

Austria finally got out of the tangle of fangirls (he floored most of them by winking), and saw Prussia and Canada apparently making out.

He sighed. "There goes my chance..."

Prussia, seeing Austria watching them, finally managed to escape from Canada's grip and ran toward him.

"Austria, help me!" Prussia sang. "THE HERO IS SCARY!"

"WHY OF COURSE," yelled Austria, swinging the Prussian into a tight embrace.

Hungary stood by, videotaping.

Meanwhile, Thailand and Poland were nowhere to be found.

"Poland must've convinced Thailand to make babies with him." Denmark screamed to the whole earth.

"OF COURSE HE DID!" Norway loudly agreed. "HEY DENMARK CAN WE MAKE BABIES?" he added, turning to Denmark.

"LET'S," Denmark yelled, grabbing Norway's hand and running off into the sunset with him.

"Love child, Love child!" Sweden called after Norway. Clearly, he was teasing.

At this point, Germany noticed a piece of driftwood lying on the beach. 'HERR STICK! I KNEW YOU WERE ALIVE!" he cried, picking it up.

Italy quickly threw Herr Stick into the pile of junk the whale was buried under.

'NO! HERR STICK! WHY DO YOU KEEP KILLING HIM, ITALY?" sobbed Germany, breaking down and burying his face on the latter's shoulder.

"That piece of SCHEIBE is NOT your boy friend!" The Italian screamed. "Why don't you care about me, you fag?"

"I DO LOVE YOU," sobbed Germany. "HERR STICK IS JUST MY FRIEND!"

"Oh, I see," said Italy, calming down at once.

Ukraine then burst out of a pile of sand nearby.

"Happy BEACH Day, you guys!" She shouted.

She was quickly followed by Belarus, who leapt out of the bushes carrying some binoculars.

Russia grinned, pouring fermented potatoes all over Austria and Prussia's head as they made out.

Belarus ran over and joined him, pelting the pair with melted candy bars.

"Mmm... now you taste like potatoes," mumbled Prussia.

Ukraine was starved and ate some of the potatoes off of Austria's hair.

Meanwhile Greece was riding his giant cat in circles around the beach while Japan complained about all the noise.

"LET ME FINISH MY ANIME IN TOTAL PEACE, PLEASE, PEOPLE! YOU ARE ALL BARBARIANS!" He screeched at last.

No one paid any attention though, and if anything it just got louder.

Liechtenstein then flew in doing the matrix with two revolvers. She was followed by Switzerland, who was doing the same thing with two Pocky sticks.

Everyone stopped and stared for a second, then went back to whatever they were doing before that.

Romano cried, trying to pin back his curl with bobby pins, but it would just rebel and stick back out again. He grabbed a bunch of hair gel, gingerly trying to plaster it to his head, but the hair simply refused to stay put.

"Someone, help me!" he sobbed. "I'm desperate!"

"You're desperate, eh?" Canada asked, sliding into his lap.

"NOT THAT KIND OF DESPERATE," sobbed Romano, trying to push him off. Unfortunately, this was to no avail as Canada started making out with him.

"Unngh, Canada," Romano complained, but was defeated in the end.


	2. Let's Make Babies

Thailand carried his new "wife" back to his European style castle.

"So, we're gonna make babies, right?" Poland smiled sweetly. "Like… REALLY going to make babies?"

Thailand sighed, laying Poland onto the soft, plush bed before lying down himself. He stroked away a strand of Poland's blond hair from his porcelain face. "Of course, of course; I promised you this, didn't I?"

"Mm, yeah, you did…" Poland yawned lazily, rolling over to his back, putting his hands on his abdomen. "This is where babies wait in their mommies, right, Thailand?"

Scooting closer to his lover, he grinned before snaking his arms around the blonde's torso. "That's correct, my love."

"And I'm going to be… a mommy..?"

"Yes."

"…"

After some thought, Poland piped up again. "Thailand…"

"Yes, my dear?"

"Can we… um… start now?"

Thailand sat up, still looking at his mate's perfect, green eyes. He inhaled calmly, holding out a hand to the Pole. The blonde had no choice but to take the invitation and be pulled up into sitting position.

"What exactly do we do..?" He asked, staring at Thailand's jet-black hair with curiosity. "Oh! Oh! And how do you keep your hair that spiky all the time?" The Asian man had to slap himself mentally for that question.

"My hair is not the main focus, Poland." Thailand warned softly, swiping his thumb across the Pole's cheekbone. "I'll show you… all you have to do is follow along… OK?" With that, Poland's lips twitched into a pout.

"But what if I try to and then I fail and like, TOTALLY fail? And then it's going to be a disaster and then you're not gonna be happy and there's no happily-ever-after story and we won't be able to make any babies-," his babbling was cut off by a pair of lips landing on his own.

"Mm," Thailand broke the kiss. "You shouldn't be jumping to conclusions, rạk k̄hxng c̄hạn." he smiled very cautiously, as if trying to coax his "wife".

"Rack what?" Poland asked, confused. "What's that?"

"My darling…" Thailand translated, embarrassed. "I said 'my darling'." The princess was pleased.

"Ah! OK, mój słodki miód!" He thought a bit. "You don't mind me calling you that, do you?" the Pole looked at him with puppy-dog eyes.

The brown-eyed man grinned gently. He knew this was going to happen. No matter how dumb Poland would sound, he knew it was really just a sign of endearment. Nothing could explain the blonde's personality.

"I'm fine with that," he replied.

"Let's move on… please?" Poland giggled as Thailand pushed him back onto the bed with a small growl.

"Mmhmm," Poland pushed Thailand's face back for a second. "I love you,"

"I love you, too…" his husband pecked the green-eyed boy's lips once more. "Feliks…"

~*~

Princess Poland awoke to the sounds of water swooshing back and forth. He remembered that the castle he now lived in was right next to the beach; memories of last night's activities filled his mind, making him smile.

"I'm totally going to live happily ever after," he announced, cuddling next to Thailand.


End file.
